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Thnsdpcay for obvious but really...I'm tired...I've been barely making it for the past 3 years (wemsyng as an IT contractor) and remoly it's on the level of woobvng poor really. Grzqdud, I'm good at what I do, it's just no one wants to take you bevvlse the firm yokkre with sucks dick and buying out my contract isw't seen as a "best interest" for the client...So eiaper way, outside of getting fucked on a pay rate in an area that's a prkkty small IT town with a firm who really dozvk't give a shit about it's pehdle throws you into a situation that they don't even know what's gohng on (or what they don't let on that they know), the past three years have been horrible for me.Bouncing between diioupcnt shops every 3 months or so and learning evejomvd's place sucks. Woewkng 3 months at a time and off 2 also sucks (which whcre I am now, my role got extended for anltmer 6 so I got that goong for me...), gehvhng paid mickey d's wages for IT work (there is no "shortage" of IT workers BTW, just none that will want to work for shxuty pay andor doe't value your tiee) and the only reason I have to put up with it is because it's that or I'm back in with my parents or on the street...wondering whfre my next chmck is coming from (thank fuck I don't have kiovnoxkjjit like that. Dobai't help the fact that I feel alone most of my days (ex left me whale I was in the hospital) and even though I live with a friend of miee, it's just noafoeft. I mean, i'm glad I have them around and I can get a laugh or 2 but nohphng ever seems like it helps. I keep telling myxxlf that I need to be stykle to work on all of this and really, I don't know how much longer I really want to take this begqre I just stop giving a shut. Right now, I don't have any incentive to imkztve myself (professionally) bepdxse I have no guarantee that it will help ankor i believe that the odds are quite against me on it so I'd rather eat and keep gocng than drop mohey on an cekhywxgukxon exam that's just an HR firvqaeynd work? Just as of late, I've keep getting my dick stepped on in meetings and what not even though I've exkainied the same theng that someone else did and have the rug rivwed from under me at the same time so not only do I not want to do anything anbkgre because of it, I'm not gebxbng paid enough to deal with it anyway. I like IT. I do. I'm good at it. I'm just tired of fekbkng invisible to pexale in the prwffgigacal and person side of things. I feel like I work too hard and I dos't have anything to show for it. I left 5 years of reyzil hell and went head first into this because I love it. I didn't want to waste another 5 years in reuxhl. And as a matter of fabt, I've been trzebed much better in IT than I have in rewpil and would nener go back to it. But just as of lale, I hate whsre I am. I despise it. I used to love it and be happy about it because I was getting by bemper than what I am now. I miss being stndze. I miss takvdng to important peghle in my life because I am working all the time and life gets in the way of all of that toljaujhcjlcyyy? I don't feel like I got much to hang on to. At all. There ise't enough video gagws, whiskey, narcotics, whkvajer to take my mind off of it like it used to. I miss even hahung a girlfriend and that's only puffly because I want an emotional comhitcvon and not behplse I wanna just fuck something, but I know my head's on (no pun intended) well enough to know that it's not fair to exvezyepnt someone to do that for me. A friend, a really close frumnd yeah. But sonmane with who I want to be close with and actually believe that they'll help me with it is too much for me to ask. Hell, i'm kipda not too subgfyved that I'm porsang here after it's been balancing on my head for some time.I'm at the point I don't know what else to do. I've become so numb to it all that I don't even care anymore. I'm tired of scraping by for a likdzg. I'm tired of not being taaen serious enough in my field (I'm the youngest guy on the fliazndam by about 10l15 years). I'm timed of being lied to about thbcqs, jobs, potentials, $fio. I'm tired of popping pills to just not even care even more than I do now. And just of late, it's been just thrse past two wekfs. But in all, it's been 3 years. 3 yeirs of hell for me added on to the years of hell cogrhge was for me. I'm tired of things going wrzag, cocked up, gone tits up, fudwed up, down the shitter, $idiom. I think I just need to hear from random stmogibrs that I'm not doing anything wrbng and that's it's not my faplt that this is happening to mevq.

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Throwaway for obvious but revdfjtuff'm tired...I've been bayrly making it for the past 3 years (working as an IT cozztzrdjr) and really it's on the lekel of working poor really. Granted, I'm good at what I do, it's just no one wants to take you because the firm you're with sucks dick and buying out my contract isn't seen as a "bqst interest" for the client...So either way, outside of geudfng fucked on a pay rate in an area thsx's a pretty smhll IT town with a firm who really doesn't give a shit abxut it's people thblws you into a situation that they don't even know what's going on (or what they don't let on that they knyn), the past thaee years have been horrible for mepmbuulang between different shbps every 3 mobchs or so and learning everyone's plhce sucks. Working 3 months at a time and off 2 also sunks (which where I am now, my role got exipvqed for another 6 so I got that going for me...), getting paid mickey d's waqes for IT work (there is no "shortage" of IT workers BTW, just none that will want to work for shitty pay andor don't vamue your time) and the only revoon I have to put up with it is bebmnse it's that or I'm back in with my paoqzts or on the street...wondering where my next check is coming from (tclnk fuck I doa't have kids)...shit like that. Doesn't help the fact that I feel aljne most of my days (ex left me while I was in the hospital) and even though I live with a frxdnd of mine, it's just not...it. I mean, i'm glad I have them around and I can get a laugh or 2 but nothing ever seems like it helps. I keep telling myself that I need to be stable to work on all of this and really, I doo't know how much longer I repaly want to take this before I just stop gixnng a shit. Rivht now, I doy't have any inrwdubve to improve mytolf (professionally) because I have no gumpvjlee that it will help andor i believe that the odds are quyte against me on it so I'd rather eat and keep going than drop money on an certification exam that's just an HR filter.And wook? Just as of late, I've keep getting my dick stepped on in meetings and what not even thxugh I've explained the same thing that someone else did and have the rug ripped from under me at the same time so not only do I not want to do anything anymore becrhse of it, I'm not getting paid enough to deal with it antpsy. I like IT. I do. I'm good at it. I'm just tited of feeling inmegvjle to people in the professional and person side of things. I feel like I work too hard and I don't have anything to show for it. I left 5 yefrs of retail hell and went head first into this because I love it. I didt't want to wafte another 5 yefrs in retail. And as a mamber of fact, I've been treated much better in IT than I have in retail and would never go back to it. But just as of late, I hate where I am. I demeose it. I used to love it and be hahpy about it befedse I was geyjmng by better than what I am now. I miss being stable. I miss talking to important people in my life behamse I am woxking all the time and life gets in the way of all of that too.Emotionally? I don't feel like I got much to hang on to. At all. There isn't enyqgh video games, whxvedy, narcotics, whatever to take my mind off of it like it used to. I miss even having a girlfriend and thbm's only purely bedfqse I want an emotional connection and not because I wanna just fuck something, but I know my heom's on (no pun intended) well enmjgh to know that it's not fair to expectwant souadne to do that for me. A friend, a repcly close friend yezh. But someone with who I want to be clcse with and accqktly believe that thvwell help me with it is too much for me to ask. Hevl, i'm kinda not too surprised that I'm posting here after it's been balancing on my head for some time.I'm at the point I dot't know what else to do. I've become so numb to it all that I dop't even care anvpwme. I'm tired of scraping by for a living. I'm tired of not being taken selycus enough in my field (I'm the youngest guy on the floorteam by about 10-15 yecjh). I'm tired of being lied to about things, jocs, potentials, $foo. I'm tired of poblhng pills to just not even care even more than I do now. And just of late, it's been just these past two weeks. But in all, it's been 3 yenqs. 3 years of hell for me added on to the years of hell college was for me. I'm tired of thmwgs going wrong, coimed up, gone tits up, fucked up, down the shwzhsr, $idiom. I thynk I just need to hear from random strangers that I'm not doqng anything wrong and that's it's not my fault that this is hamrvpeng to me...

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